Wednesday, March 28, 2007

#2 (and I Don’t Mean Poop)

It’s official: every single friend or acquaintance who was pregnant when I was pregnant with Muffin is either expecting again or has already had their second child. Of course the conventional wisdom is that 2 years between kids is optimal, but I had no idea this was so firmly entrenched. I went to a 2nd birthday party recently, and I think I was the sole XX-chromosomed representative at the bar. Although being surrounded by women with baby bumps did make me feel totally skinny, it also weirded me out. I mean, really? You guys are ready to do this again? All of you?

I am beginning to consider maybe starting to think about having #2 – possibly. But I am wishy washy at best. I know I don’t have forever, but having one successful pregnancy under my belt takes away a lot of the urgency. My sister and I are four years apart and very close, so I don’t believe that siblings have to be close in age to be, uh, close.

A few months ago, I thought for a day or two that I was pregnant. As the nurse gave me a blood test, I grumped about how I’d just started a new job, how we didn’t have space for a baby, how I wasn’t ready to move out of Brooklyn, how this would just totally screw everything up. I’m sure that had I been pregnant, I would have come to the conclusion that it was the best of all possible outcomes after I’d had a few days to turn it around in my mind. But at the moment, I was about 80% pissed, and 20% happy – and I think most of that 20% was comprised of fantasies of Felicity and I taking prenatal yoga together.

All of my friends who are pregnant work part-time or aren’t working at all. If I didn’t have to worry about how I could make a full-time job work with two kids, I can certainly see the logic in birthing the kids in quick succession, getting through the pregnancy/breastfeeding years in one fell swoop, and being that much closer to having a family where all members know how to wipe their own butt. I know that by waiting I am that much farther away from my fantasy of reading the paper while my children play – by themselves -- in the next room. I get all tingly just thinking about it.

I did not have a particularly hard pregnancy. My labor and delivery didn’t go as I’d hoped but I’ve certainly heard worse stories than mine. Yes, I feel overwhelmed some days by the one child I already have, but the more time I spend with other 2-year-olds, the more I realize that I actually have Muffin pretty well in hand and intermittent chaos is just part of the gig. However challenging it has been, there’s nothing about the experience of carrying and raising a child that makes me hesitate to repeat it someday.

And yet I know I am just not quite ready to do it again.

I love the spontaneous playdates that happen in the hallways of our building. I love that the Canuck and I still have a little time to debrief and make each other laugh each day. I love my 9-to-5 job. I love that Muffin and I can walk out the front door of our building and see a dog, a fire truck or an airplane in 10 seconds flat. I love fitting into the same clothes I wore before I had Muffin. I love how happy Muffin seems in our small but cozy apartment. I love that I can focus on her and only her in the few hours I have with her each night. Life is just so good, and why mess with a good thing?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think it's awesome that you are marching to the beat of your own drum. Love, AJ

3:23 PM  
Blogger K Dubya said...

I agree, Muffin is pretty content with life as she knows it, and so are YOU! She's a kick-a$$ kid too, that one. Maybe having a second wouldn't be messing with a good thing as much as switching things up for all of you. (It also means that dream of hooking up with justin timberlake is one step farther away :) I think you're smart for listening to your gut feelings and appreciating how good things are today.

10:48 PM  

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