Tearin' Up My Heart
The Canuck has been in Seattle on business all week. Unluckily, this is also the week my nanny chose to take her vacation. I am parenting without a net.
We are using fill-in babysitters from a local service. All things considered, it's gone pretty smoothly. I've come home each day to a happy sandy baby, with wet clothes drying in the bathroom, which means lots of time in the park's sandbox and sprinklers. Both sitters have been actresses, so they are full of new voices and songs and games that I could never be creative enough to think of.
Yet Muffin has cried every morning when I walk out the door. I wait in the hallway, and each day she's settled down within 10 seconds. But all day long I have niggling doubts that nip at the my concentration. They are an amplified version of the worries I always have with my nanny. I expect they will remain when Muffin goes to preschool. And college? I might need to start drinking more.
I cannot be with her every moment. I need to work, I want to work, and even if I didn't, I'd need some just-me time. The cutting edge to that selfish desire is that I will never know exactly what goes on when I am not there. Is she crying inconsolably because she doesn't know where her parents are? Is she dangerously close to sharp table corners? Is she chewing her food well enough? Is she parked in front of the TV?
I guess I'll never know.
We are using fill-in babysitters from a local service. All things considered, it's gone pretty smoothly. I've come home each day to a happy sandy baby, with wet clothes drying in the bathroom, which means lots of time in the park's sandbox and sprinklers. Both sitters have been actresses, so they are full of new voices and songs and games that I could never be creative enough to think of.
Yet Muffin has cried every morning when I walk out the door. I wait in the hallway, and each day she's settled down within 10 seconds. But all day long I have niggling doubts that nip at the my concentration. They are an amplified version of the worries I always have with my nanny. I expect they will remain when Muffin goes to preschool. And college? I might need to start drinking more.
I cannot be with her every moment. I need to work, I want to work, and even if I didn't, I'd need some just-me time. The cutting edge to that selfish desire is that I will never know exactly what goes on when I am not there. Is she crying inconsolably because she doesn't know where her parents are? Is she dangerously close to sharp table corners? Is she chewing her food well enough? Is she parked in front of the TV?
I guess I'll never know.
posted by Muffin's Mom at 10:03 PM
4 Comments:
It is a tough one Sash.
I know what you mean by needing 'me' time.
Unfortunately this is where, what you don't know can't hurt you becomes an antidote...
Huggies from across the canals...
Hey girl,
I don't think it is selfish to need "me-time" and it makes me sad that so many women think this way (I just saw a segment on the Today show about this). In my opinion (mind you, I am not a mom), it seems that you are teaching Muffin that there are many facets to being a woman who can be (if she chooses) a FANTASTIC mom, a SMART career lady, a HARD WORKING marriage partner, and a WONDERFUL friend.
I am sure the balancing act is a nightmare but I KNOW that you are doing the best you can. I am also sure that I have no idea what it is like to stand outside your door and hear your baby crying. All I do know is that I think you are courageous for working hard to build the kind of life that you and the Canuck want for your family.
Love, Me
I think you're doing a wonderful job of balancing your career and raising our daughter. In my humble opinion, she's evolving into this wonderful little girl. As an incredible woman yourself, I can see that your influence is only going to benefit her more as she matures into a young woman.
Me-time is important to us both (and I think to most parents as well). Simply call on me if you need a little more of it. I'm always game to go on a father-daughter excusion to the park, to the city...whatever you need.
You're a sweet, caring and thoughtful mom and I couldn't ask for anyone better...neither could Chloe.
xo
The Canuck
Wow, Muffin's Daddy's post just about brought me to tears! You are so blessed with your little family. By the way, I think the Canuck looks a LOT like Muffin's maternal grandfather!!! I just had breakfast with him and her Gramma at Kathy's on Sunday - we laughed and laughed. (Have you heard them go on about the pedometers? - Crack me up!) Anyway, these are the MOST precious Daddy/Daughter pictures I've ever seen. Muffin is very lucky to have such a special Daddy, and MOMMY!!!
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